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MxMo Brown Bitter & Stirred: The Box Cutter

Wed, 01 Sep 2010 12:00:00 GMT

MxMo Brown Bitter & Stirred: The Box Cutter

Posted by John The Bastard on September 01, 2010

Big thanks go to Lindsey for an awesome Mixology Monday theme with a Wednesday deadline. If you're not familiar with the brown, bitter, & stirred genre of drinks, they are what they sound like: brown spirit, something bitter, not much sugar, and no shaking. Incidentally, I witnessed Lindsey's creation of the drinking meme one late Saturday night at the Teardrop Lounge almost exactly a year ago, but you might say the style is rather old fashioned.

Also, incidentally, I created a drink of the brown, bitter, & stirred variety recently for Lindsey and Paul Clark's recent Crowd-sourced Cocktail Competition. It fared well in the polls but was never seen at Tales due to the scarcity of one ingredient: Unicum. Despite being the national drink of Hungary, its no longer imported to the US; but with all the angry potency of Fernet Branca, less sweetness, and some odd floral notes, Unicum is one of my favorite bitter beverages. At first glance, the bottle is nigh identical to Zwack (and produced by the same folks) but the contents taste nothing alike. If you can't get your hands on some, Fernet Branca is your best bet for a substitution in this drink. Enjoy.

The Box Cutter

1¼		oz The Dalmore 12 year
½		oz Del Maguey Chichicapa mezcal
½		oz Green Chartreuse
¼		oz Creme de Cassis
½		oz Unicum

Preparation: add ice and stir.

(Pic coming soon.)

The First Assembly of Cascadians is Called to Order

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:00:00 GMT

The First Assembly of Cascadians is Called to Order

Posted by John The Bastard on July 20, 2010

Spend a few minutes browsing the list of people coming to Tales and you might notice that one geographical region is extremely well represented: the Pacific Northwest. If you've ever set foot in Vessel, Zig Zag Cafe, the Teardrop Lounge, or Clyde Common, this probably doesn't surprise you much. Portland and Seattle are hotbeds of talent producing stars and setting trends that New York and LA can only hope to imitate. However, you might not have realized that the Cascadia Cocktail Muse has been moonlighting in other parts of the region as well. Tales Apprentice Chris Churilla is slinging some tasty drinks in Corvallis and Brad Knutson is doing the same in Olympia. Further north, in Victoria and Vancouver, BC, we're beginning to see some of the first fruits of what will soon be a thriving craft cocktail scene.

And all of these fine people are now in NOLA. Neil Kopplin, a.k.a. Negroni Man, rightly saw this as an opportunity. What better way is there to demonstrate to the drinking world that the PNW has the finest and classiest cocktailers around than a massive, drunken bar crawl through the French Quarter? There is no better way. So thats what we are going to do. Are you from Washington, Oregon, or British Columbia? Meet us at Coop's this Friday at 8pm. Hell, just to show we're good sports, the San Franciscans can come, too. Do we know yet what sort of trouble this massive Assembly of Cascadians will bring to New Orleans? No, but we will soon.

I ♥ Anvil

Sat, 17 Jul 2010 06:15:00 GMT

I ♥ Anvil

Posted by John The Bastard on July 17, 2010

A Tanqueray Malacca Martini at Anvil Bar & Refuge: the perfect drink at the perfect bar. This is love. I can't wait to see her again tonight.

The Four Barmen of the Apocalypse

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 12:00:00 GMT

The Four Barmen of the Apocalypse

Posted by John The Bastard on July 15, 2010

Last year's Tales of the Cocktail was a momentous occasion for a variety of reasons, but especially so for many of your favorite booze bloggers. In a rented house on North Rampart Street, just a few doors down from Bar Tonique, we of the newly formed Cocktail and Spirits Online Writers Group had taken it upon ourselves to assemble the finest bar in New Orleans. We had more homemade ingredients and rare bottles of booze than has likely ever been assembled, and it all poured freely---if you were invited in. Welcome to the Mixo House.

On Thursday night, after several nights of heavy drinking for everyone involved, things were winding down. The hour was approaching 3:30 AM and most of the bloggers were safely tucked into their beds. Lindsey of Lush Life Productions, her friends Ceci and Laura and I were quietly finishing our drinks and getting ready to lock up before heading back to the hotels. This plan was interrupted by door pounding and people drunkenly yelling Trader Tiki's name. On our doorstep were Dave Shenaut of the Teardrop Lounge, Jeff Morgenthaler of Clyde Common, Jim Romdall of Vessel, and Keith Waldbauer now of Liberty (tending at Barrio at the time). This veritable bartending dream team of the Pacific Northwest was in finest form, and despite the fact Blair had invited them and then ditched them, they were not going to be refused entrance.

Within seconds, Morgenthaler was running up stairs and down hallways, beating on doors with a muddler and yelling, "BLOGGERS! BLOGGERS! WAKE UP BLOGGERS!" Rick was the first foolish enough to open his door. There was some hugging and more yelling and finally the pandemonium moved down to the bar, where we were eventually joined by Tony Harrion and Tiare. At one point Gabe came as far as the courtyard, wearing only his underwear, to see what crimes were being committed, but fled for fear of losing his innocence. Rightly so, as it was at about this time that Shenaut began sexually molesting the bar.

Perhaps in hopes of persuading them to leave, Rick offered the guests a round of Malort, a wormwood schnapps whose only flavor components are "ethanol" and "bitter", with a strong emphasis on the bitter part. Waldbauer actually tried to scrape it off of his tongue, but for Romdall it was a source of inspiration. He believed he could make a good cocktail from it, and so a competition was proposed: each bartender would look for the most repulsive swag booze in the Mixo bar and try to make a delicious drink from it. Jim, with the Malort and some cachaça Tony had brought with him from Brazil, made something quite tasty.

Morgenthaler selected Chambord and made something undrinkable. No one was sober enough to remember what Dave and Keith made or what ingredients they used, but suffice it to say Jim Romdall is the reigning king of the 4AM Mixo Mix-off.

The evening was concluded with a round of Jameson for everyone, which Shenaut promptly spilled on the floor.

What will this year's Tales of the Cocktail bring?

Many thanks go to Lush Life Productions for use of the photography, among other things.

Four Stars

Tue, 01 Jun 2010 09:15:00 GMT

Four Stars

Posted by John The Bastard on June 01, 2010

A couple weeks ago, the theme ingredient for Thursday Drink Night was Kahlúa, and I'll be frank: I was not excited about this. I am not a Kahlúa fan. The cloying sweetness conjures images of sticky frat bathrooms and sexual regret. However, knowing that even the lowly Jägermeister has its occasional uses, I was resolved to come up with something that wouldn't end in tearful toilet hugging.

Well... lets say there is something worthwhile about working within constraints. The result was one of the best drinks I've concocted in some time. But before we get to the recipe, I'll share the nugget of cocktailing wisdom that made this endeavor successful. Pay attention.

If you read Rick's blog with any frequency, you know how he is always like ZOMG FeRnEt BrAnCa iS TeH BeSt ThInG EvAr It GoEs In EvErYtHiNg!!! HaHa LMAO WTF!!! Right? You know this. Well, I don't quite share his school girl enthusiasm. I love the bitterness, but quickly tire of the menthol as it has a way of dominating everything it touches. However, and this is the important part, there is a way to cheat with Fernet. Remember how you put a little cinnamon and grapefruit in that train-wreck SeanMike suggested and it was suddenly delicious? Well, Fernet Branca has the same sort of symbiotic relationship with pomaceous distillates. They're the Kurt and Courtney of the cocktail set. That criminally over-priced pear eau-de-vie you've been afraid to open, let alone risk on experimental mixing? Its time has come. Take an ounce of that and half as much Fernet and you're halfway to delicious nirvana. (You see what I did there?) Now, here is the recipe you've been waiting for:

Four Stars

1 ¼		oz Laird's Bonded Apple Brandy
¾		oz Kahlúa
½		oz Fernet Branca
2		tsp Bénédictine

Drop a healthy swath of lemon zest into your shaker glass and muddle the fuck out of it. You want lots of lemon oil. Add ice and the rest of your ingredients, shake ferociously, and double strain. Yes, I know you've been told all-spirit drinks should be stirred, but in this case you want the softer texture and dilution of a shaken drink. Now hand it to the nearest cocktail snob and gloat when they have to admit loving a Kahlúa drink.

Drinking Clarity

Sat, 29 May 2010 02:30:00 GMT

Drinking Clarity

Posted by John The Bastard on May 29, 2010

One of the (many) awesome things about being a complete bastard is that you don't have to do the things people want you to do. Things like, say, update you website on a regular basis. If a person comes up to you and says something along the lines of, "Post some new content" or "Please stop drinking my mezcal straight from the bottle" you just yell, "Fuck you! Get your own blog and/or mezcal!" and then happily go on about you business.

But with the mezcal all gone, perhaps I can find enough time to mollify the poor miscreants who return here, day after day, week after week, hoping to find some small morsel of boozing wisdom. Well, miscreants, here is your morsel.

The Bastard has lately been pondering the lack of clear, colorless drinks. That quintessentially clear cocktail, the Martini, has been used by ad men and neon-lit bars for years to signify the whole of the booze consuming world, despite little visual similarity to most of the world's consumed cocktails. This is not surprising. The stark purity of the vermouth-tinged gin, the olive, and the art deco stemware is an aesthetic achievement not easily matched by oakier ingredients. Perhaps, though, it can at least be replicated. I've had a leaning toward all-spirit cocktails of late, so now is a fine time to try.

Supposing a juniperless spirit, the starting point is (ahem) clear: unaged tequila. Unlike their grain-based counterparts, I think agave distillates are usually at their best when left uncorrupted by a barrel. When I want oak, I drink whiskey. When I want agave (and the mezcal is depleted), I drink blanco. (I recently received a sample bottle of Casa Noble and am extremely fond of it, so thats what I'll be using today.)

Conveniently, there is another ingredient I have wanted to pair with tequila for some time that happens to be just as transparent: Dolin Blanc. Dolin Blanc strikes me as one of the most mysterious cocktail ingredients to come along in some time. Why? Vermouth is white wine aromatized with various herbs, but nomenclature aside, I have never seen a truly white wine, nor have I seen any colorless herbs; yet this vermouth is absolutely clear. I can only assume heavy filtering is part of the production, but the flavor remains rich and luscious. Pure bottled enigma, I'm telling you.

These two ingredients will do most of the work in this cocktail, but we can round the flavors out nicely with a few citrus notes. Observe:

The Small Stakes Cocktail

2		oz Casa Noble Tequila Blanco
¾		oz Dolin Blanc Vermouth
1		d Orange Flower Water
1		d Regan's Orange Bitters #6

Stir and serve up with a twist.

TDN Anniversary

Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:35:00 GMT

TDN Anniversary

Posted by John The Bastard on September 03, 2009

Today is the 1 year anniversary of Thursday Drink Night, and to celebrate, I wanted to revisit a drink I submitted to last years Tiki-themed TDN, the Winter in Tortola. This was a drink I liked and was proud of, but felt it needed perfecting. So, with that, I give you...

Fall in Tortola

¼		oz Pimento Dram (slightly less if using St. Elizabeth's)
½		oz Falurnum
½		oz J Wray & Nephew Overproof rum
1		oz Cruzan Blackstrap rum
1		oz Rhum Agricole
1½		oz grapefruit juice
5		dashes Amargo Chuncho Peruvian Bitters

Blend with ice and pour into large tiki mug or pint glass, top with ginger beer and big dollop spiced whipped cream. Stir to incorporate a bit of the cream. Dust with fresh nutmeg and a sprig of mint.

Spiced cream

1		cup whipping cream
1½		tsp ground cloves
¼		cup demerara sugar

Grind spice and sugar to a fine powder. Mix all ingredients in a chilled mixing bowl and beat until stiff peaks form. Refrigerate.

Pic coming!

Booze Blogging at SXSW

Tue, 18 Aug 2009 12:00:00 GMT

Booze Blogging at SXSW

Posted by John The Bastard on August 18, 2009

Lindsey at Lush Life, a friend of mine and one of the most awesome people ever, has submitted a great proposal for a panel at next year's South By Southwest conference: Booze Blogging - Liquid Conversations. It passed the first round of selection, but now needs votes to happen. We both know you like booze, and you like blogs (observe: you are currently reading a booze blog), so your duty is clear: go vote for the panel. You'll need to sign in for your vote to count, but it only takes a minute and doesn't get you spammed. But don't stop there! Leave a supportive comment as well. The number of votes isn't publicly displayed, so the only way to draw attention to the all-consuming awesomeness of Lindsey's panel is to comment.

Once you've done that, if you aren't doing so already, follow Lindsey's twitter feed: @LiveTheLushLife. She'll keep you posted on the best booze writing on the web and fun chances to drink for free.

If you've done all that, come to SXSW! Amazing music! Awesome panels! Incredible films! It has it all, and I'll make sure you get some tasty cocktails.

Holy Hell: Saturday Morning Cocktails

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 12:15:00 GMT

Holy Hell: Saturday Morning Cocktails

Posted by John The Bastard on August 15, 2009

This fine Saturday morning, I found myself needing to put together a quick and dirty cocktail menu for an evening affair with friends (yes, I have some). I'll be mixing drinks after a heavy meal of ribeye and beer and want a variety of classics I can make with a small selection of ingredients and a minimum of citrus juicing, so I began paging through Haigh's newly-revised book. While fairly certain that I've made all the drinks from the original publication, I came to the Park Avenue Cocktail and couldn't recall any impression of it. With half a fresh pineapple in the fridge and a bottle of Grandma already on the counter, it was mere seconds before the drink was poured.

I don't know what I did the last time I made this drink, but it wasn't right. It is lovely, complex and delicious. Maybe not my first choice for starting the day, but absolutely something that will go into my standard rotation of drinks. Enjoy.

The Park Avenue Cocktail

2		oz gin
¾		oz pineapple juice
¾		oz sweet vermouth
⅓		oz Grand Marnier (or orange curaçao)

Shake and strain.

I recently discovered that I can buy Fentiman's Bitter Lemon soda in Eugene, and decided it was high time I made a proper Pimm's Cup. I've made various facsimiles with ginger ale, ginger beer, and even Sprite (PROTIP: don't), but have not previously had the Pimm's #1, bitter soda, and english cucumber in the same place at the same time. So I made one, and... its better. As in, light, refreshing, and marginally better than the bitter soda by itself. But I'm fairly certain that if I am ever in a situation where I could order a Pimm's Cup, I could find something else on the menu much more interesting. If you love it, more power to you. Its not really for me.

Now, if there is anything I've learned about cocktails prior to 10AM, its that bitter is better. So, facing the second half of a bottle of Fentiman's, I felt it was time to make up for lost time. Thus we have the Better Bitter, and it is glorious.

The Better Bitter

1		oz Campari
¾		oz fresh grapefruit juice
2		dashes Peychaud's Bitters

Build over ice, top with bitter lemon soda, and stir.

Mixology Monday: Vodka, your enemy

Tue, 11 Aug 2009 15:30:00 GMT

Mixology Monday: Vodka, your enemy

Posted by John The Bastard on August 11, 2009

Anyone who has spent any time drinking with me knows I hate vodka. A lot. Nothing has changed. I firmly believe that if there is a good drink made with vodka (I know, thats a big "if"), there is a better drink to be made by simply using a different white spirit. Here are a few of my favorite substitutions.

The White Cuban

2		oz white rum
1		oz coffee liqueur
1		oz cream

Havana Club if you can get it, or another Cuban style rum like Matusalem, keeps to the communist imagery. Kahlúa is fine if its what you've got, as this remains a drink that without much complexity, but I prefer something homemade or Patrón XO Café.

The Jamaican Mule

1 ½		oz J. Wray & Nephew Overproof rum
3/4		oz fresh lime juice, plus shell
4		oz ginger beer

Of all the "classic" cocktails, the Moscow Mule has always been the most disappointing to me. When I want a drink that tastes like ginger beer, I just drink a ginger beer. This mule has a decidedly stronger kick.

The Metropolitan

1 ½		oz London dry gin
1		oz Cointreau
½		oz lime juice, plus wheel for garnish
1		tsp cranberry juice

As I've mentioned before, the term "cosmopolitan" derives from the Russian kosmopolit, a derogatory epithet implying a lack of cultural affiliation, whereas a metropolis is a city of global cultural significance. Simply put, gin is cultured, vodka is not.